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Joke of the Day
"I just wish my ex-wife could look down from Heaven and see me now. But no, she's still alive."
Next Joke
"[unleashes dog at dog park] me: don't embarrass me now dog: i won't *sees pretty girl* me: hi, i'm dog: he drinks wine through a straw"
"What ghost did Ebenezer Scrooge encounter when he refurnished his home? The shadow of his former shelf."
"This is the first Super Bowl party I've been to where there are babies. Not sure what to do. Do I, like, offer them a beer or something?"
"My mom once got drunk and stabbed me because I look like my Father... ...But hey the past is the past. She's sober now and I can finally walk again."
"Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!"
"What kind of bug can survive all winter? A bahumbug!"
"My friend told me that i don't understand irony... Which was ironic, because we were at a bus stop at the time."
"I have invented a kitchen cleaner that kills 0.1% of bacteria. I plan to sell the secret to Dettol."
"How many babies does it take to change a light bulb? None. Babies don't have the motor skills or the depth perception to change a light bulb."