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Joke of the Day

"Two Pieces of Cake Tom: Mom, can I have two pieces of cake, please? Mom: Certainly -- take this piece and cut it two!"

"My girlfriend treats me like a god She ignores me till she wants to ask for something"

"viscoelasticity is a bit creepy"

"Women and farting... Why do women hardly ever fart... Because they don't shut their mouth long enough to build up any pressure."

"I usually spend my Sundays texting apologies but I've had an alcohol free weekend now I have nothing to do."

"What do you call the higher-ups of the World Health Organisation? The who's-who of WHO!"

"What's the best part about sex with 28-year-olds? There are twenty of them. ( ) (v)"

"What is the only alcoholic beverage Muslim extremists are permitted to drink? Smirnoff ISIS"

"What do you call sliding into home plate, on a green field in Mexico? Muchas Grassy-ass. I'm sorry."

"If you were a stand-up comic, and you're doing a show for a family at a funeral. What would you're opening line be? Like outrageous, dark, funny whatever let's hear!"