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Joke of the Day

"I wish I hadn't wasted so much of my life creating wacky sci-fi inventions... The time machine alone set me back 15 years."

"Me:(Standing on a Bosu Ball at bootcamp) No one tells us what to do. Trainer(rolling eyes) Rene, get down. You asked me to teach this."

"What do you call 8 rabbits? a rabbyte"

"Me: I'll take 'Marriage' for 800 Alex Alex: Having one wife too many Me: What is bigamy Alex: Nooo. We were looking for, what is monogamy"

"I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don't have great childing skills either."

"Every time I try to pick up chicks a description of my car ends up on the news."

"Dentist: this is gonna hurt a lot Me: ok Dentist: I've been sleeping with your wife"

"What concert only costs 45 cents? 50 cent featuring Nickelback."

"A Sausage and an egg in a frying pan. Sausage says: 'It's hot in here.' Egg replies: 'A talking sausage!'"

"If I share my food with you, it's either because I love you a lot, or because it fell on the floor and I don't want it."