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Joke of the Day

"I may not have great parenting skills, but in my defense the kids don't have great childing skills either."

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"Love....because sometimes life wants a tag team partner when it fcuks you."
"What did the bartender say to the angry speaker? We don't want any treble"
"Need something witty to say after i pee in a cup... Tomorrow is drug test day... Not sure this is actually the right sub for this but watevs."
"Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car."
"A man walks into a bar It hurt"
"What do you call a spanish child molester? A pedrophile"
"I have a midget friend... He's epileptic and makes pizzas for a living. I call him ""Little Seizures""."
"I like my sex like I like my tree forts No girls allowed"
"I'm still disappointed that Penguin and Random House merged to become Penguin Random House and not the more hilarious Random Penguin House."