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Joke of the Day
"I was so depressed dat my ATM displayed someone else's balance to cheer me up"
Next Joke
"Why'd the seaman cross the road? Because I wore the wrong sock that day."
"I installed a pet door over the weekend, and the dog barked at it, and the cat pissed on it, but the raccoons have got the idea."
"How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but he/she has to want to change."
"Protip: Never look up from your breakfast if you hear the words ""gruesome discovery"" coming from your TV on the morning news."
"Judging by how all of these ladies tweet about cucumbers I'm pretty sure size does matter because I never see them tweeting about carrots :("
"I just ate lunch at a restaurant that calls french fries, 'Freedom Fries.' Thats just fucking stupid, pardon my freedom."
"Who's the most famous jewish Pokemon trainer? Ash"
"What do you call a boat that looks like a penis? A Freudian ship"
"When I see ads on TV with smiling, happy housewives using a new cleaning product, the only thing I want to buy are the meds they must be on."