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Joke of the Day

"""Well I should probably get off twitter. I have to be at work in 15 minutes and I haven't even showered yet."" - me and at least 100 of you"

"Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m."

"I act like Pacman at parties. I walk around the room eating everything in site and avoiding everyone."

"What do you call a carpenter who needs fewer nails? Jesus"

"I woke up with an erection the other day... It worried me because it wasn't mine"

"im not a morning person. in the morning i am a goat"

"Why was number 4 blushing? She saw 2 and 3 halving six"

"IMHO = I Miss Hall & Oates"

"What's the favorite letter of the National Socialist Party? Anyone before the last one actually. Because they are all not Zs."

"I was going to sue U2 for stealing one of my songs But I found out my lawyer was pro-bono."