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Joke of the Day

"""Well I should probably get off twitter. I have to be at work in 15 minutes and I haven't even showered yet."" - me and at least 100 of you"

"I like my women how I like my video on VLC player always on top"

"""'There is no 'I' in team!"" *Steve Jobs yells at his iTeam*"

"Whenever I'm alone, I like to dig a hole in my backyard, remove all my clothes, go inside that hole and pretend that I'm a carrot."

"What do old people with Alzheimer's often say? I don't remember."

"When I bring you breakfast in bed, why can't you just say ""thank you""? ...instead of all this ""how did you get in to my house?"" calling 9-11 business."

"My computer said hello to me It's a Dell."

"I have a foot fetish, but only for left feet. I know you are thinking ""That ain't right."""

"ELI5: with the recent outbreak of Ebola why hasn't Madagascar sealed it's borders yet?"

"Two fishes are in a tank. One turns to the other and says, ""How do you drive this thing?"""