195916

Joke of the Day

"The church are upset about a new type of Heroin, called ""Jesus"" They hate it when people take the Lord's name in vein."

"A man hobbles into a McDonald's and walks up to the counter. He proceeds to place his order of 1 hot fudge sundae. The cashier asks him ""Crushed nuts?"". ""No."" He says, ""Hip replacement""."

"exactly 14 yrs ago today, I pointed at a beautiful woman & said ""that's the girl I'm gonna marry one day"" but it turned out to be a lamppost"

"Q: Why did the little girl bury her flashlight? A: Her batteries were dead."

"Did you hear about the pedophile that never could win a race? He was always coming in a little behind."

"What's the importance of capitalization? You can either help your Uncle Jack off a horse or help your uncle jack off a horse."

"Just been offered a 42 Plasma TV for 100. Only problem is the volume control is broken, I thought fuck it, at that price you can't turn it down."

"What do you call an eskimo with no friends? An iglooser"

"I overheard some women saying that guys who drive expensive cars have small penises Me: M'am, that's very inaccurate, because I drive a very INEXPENSIVE car, and I also have a small penis."

"What do a house and clean clothes have in common? Homeless people have neither."