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Joke of the Day

"Those Islamic's coming to america? Hostages."

"Why shouldn't you ask if someone's a Texan? Because if they are they'll tell you, and if they aren't you don't want to insult them."

"Me: Well hello again. I knew you'd be back. I seem to have that effect on people Fed Ex: Just sign here so I can leave"

"I get that preschoolers go to bed early but it's still weird that Nick Jr becomes a hardcore porn channel every night at 8."

"A man is on trial for beating his wife with his guitar collection The judge asks, ""first offender""? The man replies, ""No, first a Gibson; then a Fender."""

"I purposely did not bring my reusable shopping bags to the grocery store and I have never felt so alive!"

"Colin Firth has a younger brother named Colin Thecond"

"What animal has exactly 12 grams of carbon? A mole"

"Q: How does Hitler tie his shoes? A: With little Nazis."

"I bought some powdered water I don't know what to add."