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Joke of the Day

"what kind of vegetable is the hypest a turnup obvs"

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"""Please don't make a scene."" -Horrible movie director"
"Why did Princess Diana divorce Prince Charles? She was always told a ruler was 12 inches!"
"What do you call the guy who envies his friend's gelatin? Jello-us"
"What did the boy gun say to the girl gun? Wanna bang?"
"TIL that there are over 1 million battered women in the US. And I've been eating mine plain! Who knew?"
"What do you get if you cross Dracula with a snail? The world's slowest vampire."
"When does CPR become Necrophlia? When tongue is involved."
"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it date an emotionally available, age-appropriate, nice, single guy with a good job."
"A penguin, a priest, and a cowboy walk into a bar. The bartender says, ""Is this some kind of joke?!"""