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Joke of the Day

"My 85 year old Grandfather just burned me so hard... Me: ""Hey Pup, know what I've been thinking?"" Pup: ""Is that what I smell burning?"""

"What do you call a homeless college student? A philosophy major"

"I ejaculated so hard That conspiracy theorists are saying there was a second shooter."

"Last night I was visited by the ghost of Gloria Gaynor At first I was afraid. I was petrified."

"Why do white girls walk in odd numbers? Because they cant even."

"Leave it to the military to take a fun activity like a clusterfuck and put a negative spin on it."

"My new thesaurus is terrible. Not only that, it's terrible."

"If you want some alone time, tell your husband that you're going to watch the Bachelor. Even if you're not."

"I just finished writing a Broadway musical about the dictionary. It's the ultimate play on words."

"I don't watch Soccer... If I wanted to watch somebody struggle to score for 90 minutes I'd take my friends out to the bar."