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Joke of the Day

"You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it date an emotionally available, age-appropriate, nice, single guy with a good job."

"Most of my alone time is just a cataloging of hatreds and revenge scenarios."

"Why do blondes have see-through lunch box tops? So they can tell if they are going to work or going home while on the bus."

"instead of a fancy wedding cake how about get a cool expert karate guy to roundhouse kick cupcakes into everyone's mouths"

"When skinny girls say ""I'm so fat"" to fish for a compliment from me, I just agree."

"Can you run a bath when you have the runs? ... only if you have enough."

"So glad the new phone book arrived, because I hate texting the wrong number from the rotary phone in my Ford Model T."

"Calling ""shotgun"" is great way to lighten the mood when getting in the squad car after the cops arrest you."

"Why do Men find it hard to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes."

"Optimism? Sure, it's worth a try. I don't see how acting like an eye doctor is gonna help, but whatever."