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Joke of the Day

"TIL that there are over 1 million battered women in the US. And I've been eating mine plain! Who knew?"

"What's the best thing to come out of a penis? The wrinkles."

"Some coworkers remind me of my ex, because I would jump in front of a bus to get out of a conversation with them too."

"What did the joke say to the anti-joke ""I'm a joke,"" and the proceeded to cry into his beer."

"What ""smart"" cars should say Instead of my car saying stupid things like "" your door is ajar "" , it should say helpful things like "" there's a cop hiding in the bushes """

"How does a blonde count a thousand sheep? She counts the legs, and divides by 4."

"I'm applying for a position as a mall cop.... It has good job security."

"Cop: ""Excuse me have you been drinking tonight?"" Me: ""I've been draanking.. I've been draanking.. watermeloon.."" cop: ""surfbort"""

"What's the thing u don't tell a vampire? Bite me."

"Apple CEO announces he's gay. Samsung CEO announces he's more gay and water resistant."