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Joke of the Day

"""My brother's coming over for dinner."" Ugh, is he still talking only in country names? *brother walks in* ""Chad Hungary. Jamaica Turkey?"""

"Guess what my lonesome self and my right hand did for Valentines day. Sign Valentines cards for my relatives."

"Why doesn't Hitler like Jewish wivern's? Because they're a dragon the state"

"what's the difference between a black person and a snow tire? ones a person and the other is a tire.... you racist."

"My GF was triggered when I chased the big black birds away from my bird feeder because what I wanted to see was tits. She said it was my crow aggression."

"If I offer you some of my gummy worms, I am just trying to be polite. Don't you fucking dare take any."

"I do not take credit for this joke cash or checks are fine, though."

"Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep."

"How do you get pikachu on to a boat? You pokemon"

"I don't usually sleep enough, but when I do, its still not enough."