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Joke of the Day

"Grampa: Back in my day, we slept on broken glass, you dunno how lucky you are. Me: Grampa, please. We have Twitter, at least you GOT sleep."

"why are the fish taco and chicken taco always friends? Cause there's no beef"

"Why are Japanese people so good at judo? You can't ippon a Nippon."

"I didn't sleep very good last night... So I put some Monster Energy drink in my coffee this morning. I got halfway to work before before I realised I forgot my car."

"I just climbed a mountain of fish, or you could say... I scaled it."

"Husband: ""Lost my keys again."" Wife: ""It's in your Jeans."" Husband: ""Come on, Why do you have to Drag my family into this!"""

"What's Satan's main social media site? Pentagram"

"If optimus prime was a pokemon, what would his most used attacks be? Transform and rollout. (When you tell this to people wait and see if they guess it)"

"What do you call two guys above a window? Kurt and Rod"

"What do you call someone who believes rotten eggs smell bad, but doesn't care? An eggsy-stench-alist."