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Joke of the Day

"If I offer you some of my gummy worms, I am just trying to be polite. Don't you fucking dare take any."

"You gotta wet it first, doesn't work dry. The wetter the better. -whistling you perverts"

"Her: You're up to a pack a day nowyou have to cut back. Me: [petting the alpha male of the wolf pack I just adopted] I can quit anytime."

"What did the old Frankish barbarians say to the Roman invasion? [](/dumbfabric)""You don't have the *Gaul* to do it!"""

"What do you call a black man in a suit The accused"

"Have you ever tried eating a clock? I heard it might be time consuming."

"""Almost there."" - liars"

"What has America come to? We're letting a *black* president run the *WHITE* House!"

"I had a dream you were a tire last night. I woke up and you were bald."

"My mom's favorite part of my birthday is describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old waitress who is just there to get our drink order."