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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a Muslim flying a plane? A pilot you racist bastard."

"Did you hear about the guy who is addicted to drinking brake fluid? It's okay though, he said he can stop whenever he wants."

"*wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months* ""Have you had the kid yet?"" -No ""Well, I'm level 77 on candy crush."""

"A tourist asks a Scottish villager ""Do you have a local attraction?"" ""We used to- he answers- but she got married."""

"How was copper wire invented? Two jews found the same penny."

"Heard a good joke from a patient today. (Xpost from /r/nursing) Two inmates standing around. One lets out a loud fart and the other says, ""Hey, that sounds about my size."" Had to share..."

"my ex: sometimes I forget why we ever broke up me: when you do that sigh thing I can hear your nose hair"

"After filling up my gas tank this morning before work, I realized that I didn't want to eat for the rest of the week anyways."

"Did you recover from your operation? Not yet. The doctor says I still have two more payments."

"My dad walked in on me masturbating... he said, ""quit doing that, you'll go blind""! I said, ""dad, I'm over here""!"