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Joke of the Day

"My dad walked in on me masturbating... he said, ""quit doing that, you'll go blind""! I said, ""dad, I'm over here""!"

"Why did your sister cut a hole in her new umbrella ? Because she wanted to be able to tell when it stopped raining."

"I suspect Elmer Fudd is an r/jokes mod, and I have evidence [wemoved]"

"There are three kinds of people... The ones who say the glass is half full, The ones who say the glass is half empty, And the one who thinks you should have gotten a smaller glass."

"I cried because my Wi-Fi was slow until I saw a guy stuck talking with his kids because he had no internet at all."

"Jokes What did Barack Obama say to Michelle Obama when he proposed?"

"What gets bigger every time I see my wife? My wife."

"One day I talked to a girl who has a lisping problem ""How long can you hold your breath?"" . . . I left the room with a black eye."

"[phone w/ fiance] Hey, I can still pick whatever suit I like for the wedding right? ""As long as its black, why?"" *wearing batsuit* No reason"

"The sequel to Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory is just a series of horrified people finding parts of missing kids in their chocolate bars"