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Joke of the Day

"A tourist asks a Scottish villager ""Do you have a local attraction?"" ""We used to- he answers- but she got married."""

"I told my wife about my other wife.... She took it really well, said it was big o' me :)"

"I met this gorgeous girl on the subway... and I said to her, ""do you know the different between lunch and a blowjob"" ""no"" Ok, lets go to lunch then."

"Dear Netflix; when I got my first dvd by mail all those years ago I never dreamed that one day you would raise a child for me."

"What's the difference between a tire and 365 used rubbers? One is a Goodyear and the other is a great year."

"At school, I saw my principal walking around in a daze. I asked him what happened, and he just looked at me and said, ""I've lost my faculties!"""

"My band were thinking about doing a concert in space... ...but then we realised there would probably be no atmosphere."

"The best way to get the woman of your dreams is to comment ""gorgeous"" on a minimum of 52 of her selfies."

"Ever have one of those days where you drink so much coffee that you can't hold the scalpel straight? LOL! It's like a Gallagher show!"

"""Can someone call me a doctor?!"" You're a doctor. ""Please I'm losing my patience!"" You're a terrible doctor."