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Joke of the Day

"*wife & I finally look up from our phones after 9 months* ""Have you had the kid yet?"" -No ""Well, I'm level 77 on candy crush."""

"Where does a race on the Swedish border end at? The Finnish line."

"How is an accordion like an artillery shell? Once you hear it, it's already too late."

"Eagles Guitarist Glenn Frey died today at the age of 67... There goes all my hopes and dreams for their reunion tour: ""Bald Eagles"""

"If ISIS would really like the world to take notice of their intentions! They should kill a lion."

"Why did Jon Snow stand in line for 6 hours at the Apple Store? For the watch? Not really He knows nothing, you can only buy the watch online."

"How is /r/jokes like sex? I don't get it."

"What's one thing you hated as a kid but love as an adult? Molestation."

"I told myself after high school I wasn't going to smoke any more weed. I haven't smoked any less either."

"""Today I'm just going to wear pajamas all day."" - Hugh Hefner ever morning of his life."