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Joke of the Day

"I just responded to a text message with: I can't hear you, you're breaking up"

"What do you call an Italian guy wearing a flourescent track suit? A DayGlo Dago"

"Why do whales have really good immune systems? They consume a lot of vitamin SEA!"

"What did the tampon say to the other? Nothing; they were both stuck up cunts!"

"I really feel bad that 9/11 happened. If it hadn't, America wouldn't be suffering right now over the rememberance shows and lack of good television."

"Who is currently leading in the Pirate Party Polls? Noone. Pirates don't have poles, they have masts."

"Be yourself; everyone else is already Batman."

"5yo: *smells glue stick* Me: DON'T BE SMELLING THAT!! 5yo: it smells like strawberries! Me: give me that...*smells glue stick*"

"Why don't Mexicans have BBQs? Because the beans keep falling through the grill."

"Sometimes I leave a trail of pizza crumbs around the house so I can find my way back to the TV"