207701

Joke of the Day

"5yo: *smells glue stick* Me: DON'T BE SMELLING THAT!! 5yo: it smells like strawberries! Me: give me that...*smells glue stick*"

"I met a guy who cross-bred insects... ...he was alright at first, but I soon tired of his ant-ticks."

"My kitchen timer broke..good thing I wasn't counting on it."

"Ever have the shower curtain touch you unexpectedly and start karate chopping the air?? No, me either."

"So the Chicken and the Egg are laying in bed. The Chicken lights up a cigarette, takes a deep drag and says, ""Well, I guess that answers that question..."""

"What wind is best for footballs? Drew Brees"

"What do you get when you mix laxatives with holy water? A religious movement."

"A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner... ...The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. ""Och, I look like a pig!"" The man nods, ""And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"""

"[if Lois Lane was a witness] Criminal: *puts on glasses* Lois Lane: I'm sorry, I've never seen this man before."

"A Thought About Posthumous Autobiographies They're all ghost-written."