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Joke of the Day

"I've kept my tamagotchi alive for the past 15 years, so yeah Mom, I know what it's like to raise an ""ungrateful little prick"""

"Where does honey come from? Beez nuts!"

"*feels comfortable* comfortable: *slaps hand away*"

"I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round"

"You won't drink away the alcoholism."

"My friend gets pissed when they call his phone a droid I told him: it's **An**droid, after all."

"Me: I want a pet dragon! Life: HERE'S A CAT WITH IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME."

"What's one good thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus."

"Why are vaginas called beavers? because beavers eat wood"

"At what age do you switch from puppy to dry dog food? My daughter is 14 months old."