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Joke of the Day

"I hate it when restraining orders get in the way of meaningful relationships. Well played future wife. You win this round"

"Police: THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN YOUR DOOR NOW!!!!!! Me: Not with that attitude."

"What would North Korea be renamed to if it was taken over by a Scandinavian dictator? Norse Korea"

"Why did my girlfriend cross the road? To go back to the first shop we went in two hours ago."

"I was gonna make an Indian Pun But I got Naan"

"When it comes to Pope vs. Trump, do you take the side of the guy who wears that ridiculous thing on his head or the Pope?"

"Why are Gametes good at marketing? Sex cells!"

"My girlfriend is so crazy she even traced down the girl who once kissed me in kindergarten."

"Nice try, blocked number but I don't even answer the phone for people I know."

"""How the fuck should I know if it's still good? Eat it. You get sick, it wasn't good. You people, you think I got microscopic fucking eyes."""