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Joke of the Day

"What do you call somebody who pretends to play on a player piano? A Penis"

"I've decided to delete my Twitter. I keep feeling that people are following me."

"Anyone know any good optometry jokes? All the ones I know are cornea."

"As I was paying for a 15 year old escort I thought... ...I'm getting a really good deal on this car."

"What did Mr.T say when he saw a fat lady at the bar? I pity the stool!"

"@funTweeters I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers"

"How does a woman destroy a mans pride with 4 words? Is it in yet? How does a man destroy a womans pride with 4 words? I don't know."

"You know how they say your smile is your strongest weapon? Tell that to my friend who stood still smiling when a thief asked him for all his money"

"As a married man, how excited I was that I almost has a successful Steak & BJ day... The steak was delicious, but I didn't get two of my ribs removed in time."

"Whats the difference between a porsche and an erection? I dont have a porsche. (Best told by whispering in someones ear.)"