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Joke of the Day

"You know how they say your smile is your strongest weapon? Tell that to my friend who stood still smiling when a thief asked him for all his money"

"When I was about 14/15 I wanted to be a plumber, then I wanted to be a firefighter, then pizza delivery man,then I stopped watching porn."

"I have the memory of an elephant I went to the zoo last week, they only had one, he seemed pretty lonely :("

"You can now buy candy unwrapped and avoid any effort at all to eat it. USA! USA!"

"[circus school] ""So to tame the lion, you have this whip..."" What if the lion's too close? [picking up tiny stool] ""we've thought of that"""

"What disorder will Spiderman get as he ages? Peter Parkinsons"

"Based on their level of excitement, bros in beer commercials seem unaware that you can pretty much buy beer anywhere."

"I don't think I will ever find a stable job... Because quite honestly I'm very uncomfortable around horses"

"I always said ""Aim for the moon, even if you miss, you'll land among the stars."" But apparently that's not a valid excuse and I can't work for NASA anymore."

"The best part about a vacation to England is that my wife won't need to adjust her driving."