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Joke of the Day

"I've decided to delete my Twitter. I keep feeling that people are following me."

"When does 1+1=3? When you don't use a condom."

"I'm in a very dark place right now. Suggestions on getting these motion sensing lights in the public bathroom to come back on...?"

"Whenever I see a sign saying Fine Jewelry I think to myself, it's probably had enough warnings, why not just arrest it."

"I heard the titanic got a new job... She sells sea shells down by the sea floor. I hear it's a pretty high pressure job."

"the explanation of just about every jewish holiday they tried to kill us they failed lets eat"

"What's the most indian bone in the human body? The patella. (I'll show myself out)"

"How do you make a kilogram of fat appealing? Put a nipple on it"

"what do you call a sad ditch? a depression."

"*throws king crab into tank of normal crabs* Go, lead them to freedom, this is your birthright"