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Joke of the Day

"As I was paying for a 15 year old escort I thought... ...I'm getting a really good deal on this car."

"Did you hear about the war on diarrhea? It started out as a smear campaign, but ended up being a real shitshow."

"Being a Calculator must be a huge responsibility... everyone is counting on them."

"Good thing girls started uploading pictures next to a pool with the caption ""Summer is finally here!"" or we wouldn't have known it's summer."

"Why can't your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.."

"imagined Beyonce taking a dump and it ruined my morning"

"Two types of people that irritate me: 1. A drunk person when I'm sober. 2. A sober person when I'm drunk."

"Feminists are like proximity mines. Anything can trigger them and they blow it way out of proportion."

"Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear... You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away!"

"My friends say that I'm gay because I don't like football. What a bunch of idiots. I'm gay because I like cock."