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Joke of the Day

"@funTweeters I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers"

"Tarzan walk into his wife making dolma.. He then shouts: How many times I told you not to touch my underwear?!?!"

"Today is a new day. Be thankful. Do something nice for yourself. Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Run with a pair of scissors"

"This alcohol tastes like there's a sock getting lucky tonight."

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. They already did it before it was cool."

"What is Samsung's next Note series phone after Note 7? Samsung Not Explode"

"Why is Diego's slogan ""Go Diego Go"" It was the last thing his mother said before she got shot by the border patrol"

"If you ever get a job at a bank, take care not to slice your hand open while handling notes and coins. If that happens, you'll be sure to get a pay cut."

"Ladies: If you have ever took any ""Glamour Shots"", I will assume that you lost your virginity in a Pontiac Firebird."

"Who wrote ""The Tiger's Revenge""? Claude Balls"