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Joke of the Day

"one time I stuck my hand in a jar of jelly beans and when I took it out all the black one stole my rings and watch"

"What do you call a bunch of cats sitting in a circle? The purr-rimiter."

"Just watched The Martian I found it odd that NASA would commission SpaceX to make the Iris probe."

"I wore a leather jacket into a vegan restaurant and now I'm hiding in the bathroom."

"The biggest problem with two-faced people is, never knowing which face to slap first."

"Since Walking Dead isn't on I've hid pot from my stoner friends. As they amble around looking for it I'm shooting them with paint ball guns."

"I Read Something In The Newspaper A few days ago, there was an article in the newspaper obituaries titled ""Survivor of Nazi Death Train Dies"" ... I guess he's not a survivor anymore."

"What is the difference between pink and purple? The grip."

"One way to find out if your crush likes you is: Who cares. People are horrible and it's better to be alone."

"Why don't you feel the need to wear a seat belt when taking a cab? Because there is a doctor driving."