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Joke of the Day

"Headline: World helium shortage over due to discovery of helium field. Scientist: (high voice) This new supply of helium is a game-changer"

"quick poll: why'd you break up with me in high school Alison"

"Anybody else miss a time when if you REALLY wanted to show a pop idol you loved them, you assassinated them? (ATTN Bieber fans)"

"I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed."

"Why all Pascal programmers ask to live in Atlantis? Because it is below C level."

"Two cannibals were eating a clown.... One turns to the other and asks, ""Hey, does this taste funny to you?"""

"Geez, I'm so sorry...I'm not normally ticklish. (me to the nail lady I just kicked in the face during my pedicure)"

"What bounces and makes kids cry? The cheque I just sent to Save the Children."

"Why couldn't I run the Compressed File? I was missing the important Bits."

"What's an Ancient Roman's favorite sex position? LXIX."