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Joke of the Day

"Anybody else miss a time when if you REALLY wanted to show a pop idol you loved them, you assassinated them? (ATTN Bieber fans)"

"A John gets crabs from a 10$ hooker... he goes back to complain, and the hooker tells him ""what did you expect for 10$, lobster?"""

"Why did Pavlov have extra soft hair? Classical conditioning"

"Great. Only a single slice of bread left in the bag. That means until I find another slice, everything that happens today is in the sandwich"

"What do you call an overpriced and overhyped game? No Man's Sky."

"You're so vein, you probably think this bloody cut is about you."

"In an elevator with my geology professor and my ex-geology professor. Can you say ROCKward?"

"What do you call two Caucasian fellows in a box? Saltines."

"Drunk me used to set a ""Mystery Alarm"" on my phone to pop up and confuse daytime sober me"

"My dishwasher died the other day.... Does anyone have an extra wife i can borrow/have?"