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Joke of the Day

"how much does it take for two octopi to laugh? 16 tickles because not asking for insurance is insane in the US, sorry to go out on a limb..."

"Just realized that my spirit animal is Winnie the Pooh. Two words: No pants."

"When you lose one sense other senses are enhanced... that's why if you lose your sense of humor your sense of asshole is enhanced."

"with all of Canada's recent Olympic successes ... I was just thinking that we must ... have been on our 'eh' game. YEEEAAAHHH!!!"

"What animal is two animals at the same time? The Cat: because is a cat and a spider :) ... oh, wait."

"Pharmacies could save a lot of hassle and just have customers walk through a denim detector to see if they're cooking meth."

"A duck walks into a bar... And the bartender says ""why is there a duck in my bar?"""

"My work ethic could best be described as ""procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline."""

"What do clouds want to be when they grow up? -Thunderstorms"

"PSA: Brazilian officials have assured that they've taken measures to lower the chances of being murder there during the Olympic games to be... Juan/Brazilian."