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Joke of the Day

"Make like my dick... and fuck your mother."

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"My burrito brings all the boys to the yard and they're like, ""Careful, everything is falling out from the other side."""
"Have you heard of the hard-working blind prostitute? You really gotta hand it to her."
"The year is 2027. Voice to text is flawless. A young child points at a bird and says, ""Duck"". His mother slaps him."
"When is it time to go to bed at Michael Jackson's house? When the big hand touches the little hand."
"What's the difference between a pickpocket and a peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches and a peeping Tom watches snatches"
"[speaking very loudly to no one trying to impress someone nearby] Man what am I going to do with all these hens"
"AMA request! Someone who actually pays for Netflix. Instead of using their brothers ex girlfriends sisters moms password."
"How many professional soccer players does it take to change a light bulb? Six. One to change the bulb, and five to hug and kiss him."
"Best Ever Comedy Movies - Can You Guess The Movie Quote"