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Joke of the Day
"My dog hunted down and killed a lizard today... You could say it was his hunting inskinkt."
Next Joke
"Yo mama so fat in order to meet new carbon emissions regulations, we had to cap her ass"
"You shouldn't judge people. What if that bloke outside your window with a clown mask and knife is just a chef that lost his way."
"Johnny was a chemist... ...but Johnny is no more. For what Johnny thought was H2O, Was H2SO4."
"[wife walks in on me showering] ""Why are you wearing swim trunks?"" No reason. [she glares at me] SO MY TEMPORARY TATTOOS DON'T COME OFF OKAY"
"When I remember trees are alive I like to picture their brain is the roots and the trunk and branches are its legs dangling into the sky."
"You may not like EVERY government agency... ...but you've really gotta hand it to the IRS."
"Chuck Norris never wet his bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear."
"How do you clean a seat for a woman? Wipe your face"
"Kid goes to buy weed for the first time. Kid: how much you want for that half ounce? Dealer: 4 20s Ill go hide in shame."