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Joke of the Day

"Acquaintances: ""So what have you been up to?"" What I hear: ""Please explain yourself, we're trying to figure you out."""

"Quit crying, kid. I won this Easter egg hunt fair and square..."

"My father was a wonderful man. He's still alive, he just turned into a cunt."

"What do you call a group of 8 hobbits? a hobbyte Cortana told me that joke"

"How do writers send e-mail? On the Inkernet."

"How do you get to the front page of reddit ? Lack of originality"

"Why do Americans write ""color"" instead of ""colour""? Because fuck ""u"", that's why."

"Throwing pregnancy tests into the shopping carts of random couples at Walmart is the only silver lining in my day."

"Karma may ""work"" but I think that bitch takes a lot of days off"

"Man calls home before leaving the office, asks his wife to slide down the banister. To get his dinner warmed up."