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Joke of the Day

"Man calls home before leaving the office, asks his wife to slide down the banister. To get his dinner warmed up."

"Why was the cheesemaker lopsided? Because he only had one Stilton!"

"[heaven's IT department] Ok, I see why your computer's crashing. Have you been closing doors again? God: Yes, why? Too many open windows"

"*slips seductively out of shorts* You know what that means... *sleeps soundly for 7 hours* *drools a little*"

"Counselor: How many times did I tell you to make your bed? Jane: I can't answer. I didn't know I was supposed to keep count!"

"I'm on the fermented barley diet... and I've never felt better."

"Would you rather have a 300-pound dog chase you or a tiger? I'd rather have him chase the tiger."

"I tried to play water polo once But my horse drowned. :("

"How many sound guys does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, two... One, two."

"My little sister's cat died... ...she cried telling me she needs another identical one. I got her one today, but i don't know why she needs another dead cat."