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Joke of the Day

"Why did the chicken cross the road? 'Why?' To get to the idiots house! (Immediately follow up with this) Knock knock 'Who's there?' A chicken!"

"[doctors exam] ""I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps."" -uh oh, what does that mean doc? ""it means you're fat"""

"Just had curried pelican for lunch... Not bad, but the bill was enormous."

"Oklahoma asked California about all these earthquakes recently. California said ""It's not our fault."""

"Guys, I have good news, and bad news. The bad news is I don't actually have any good news. But the good news is that I don't actually have any bad news."

"How did Donald Trump get his tonsils removed? Vladimir Putin wore a spiked condom."

"Why don't blind people bungee jump? Because it scares the fuck out of the dogs."

"Sitting on the Toilet Scrolling through dating apps while on the toilet is the best idea... etiher way you're gonna find shit."

"NYC parks department on naked Trump statue: ""NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small."""

"What do you call a cow...? What do you call a cow that's missing a leg? Lean Beef. What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef. What do you call a cow that's masturbating? Beef Strokin-Off"