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Joke of the Day

"Guys, I have good news, and bad news. The bad news is I don't actually have any good news. But the good news is that I don't actually have any bad news."

"Girl, are you a useless, obscure and unimportant punctuation mark? Because I want to interro-bang you"

"I like mixing laxatives and nitrous oxide on a regular basis, but it's OK... ...I only do it for shits and giggles."

"I like my coffee like I like my women. Black and willing to choke me a little bit."

"Where do muslim terrorists go when they die? INTO BUILDINGS"

"When I was in college I had all these philosophical questions. Now I just want to know how these kids got toothpaste under the toilet seat."

"What do you call a sweaty British Millionaire? All-quid."

"You sister said she had to take you socks because she has none You realize your cum socks are all gone.."

"Why are condoms and bungee-jumping similar? You're screwed if the rubber breaks."

"I can hear music coming out of my printer. I think the paper's jammin' again"