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Joke of the Day

"[doctors exam] ""I'm feeling a lump here. Here's another. You have several lumps."" -uh oh, what does that mean doc? ""it means you're fat"""

"If Donald Trump becomes president... Does that make orange the new black?"

"It's obvious that God doesn't hate gays; because if he did he would have made a plague or something to wipe them out."

"Adele was outside my window this morning. She said hello from the outside."

"My doctor constantly says I'm artistic. I don't know why he keeps mispronouncing it, though"

"What tastes good on pizza but not on pussy? Crust"

"Proof that getting kicked in the nuts is worse than giving birth. Girls often say, yeah I'd have another baby. Guys never ask to get kicked in the nuts again."

"Why didn't the chicken cross the road? Because it was too chicken!"

"my phone keeps capitalizing my lols like i'm some kind of suburban mom with highlights and bedazzled jeans."

"What is the difference between dog shit and black people? One eventually turns white and stops stinking."