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Joke of the Day

"The golf joke What's the best part about golf? It's the only activity where you actually aim for the hole under 18 and you don't go to jail."

"They say women only use 10% of their anger"

"would love to see a prequel to Titanic where we see Jack completely unable to climb onto a floating pool toy and we all go ""ahh makes sense"""

"Well well well if it isn't my old nemesis, long division."

"I carry an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"Doctors just assume I want all my blood at a particular pressure."

"[coming home from cinema] Don't let that ninja film go to your head again. *roundhouse kicks the light switch on* ""I won't"""

"If he buys your drink, but you're really not interested? Smile at him, thank him and then stick the olive up your nose."

"Definition of a Will: It's a dead giveaway."

"Old people always poke me at weddings and say ""you're next."" I do the same thing to them at funerals"