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Joke of the Day

"I carry an epipen. My friend gave it to me as he was dying. It seemed very important to him that I have it."

"I think I have hit rock bottom in my life. Do you know where I can buy some new tacks?"

"Why don't ghosts have kids? Because they have Hollow-Weinies"

"Sometimes its better to eliminate the problem rather than trying to solve it."

"What breed will Donald Trumps dog be if he wins the election? A Border Collie"

"Someone told me they were getting colored contacts, and I said ""aren't all their eyes just brown?"" that was a complete misunderstanding."

"Why hasn't Mexico got an Olympic team? Because the ones who can run, jump and swim are already in the U.S"

"What's the difference between the Canadian-American border and a performance enhancing drug? Niagara Falls, Viagra rises."

"Last week I called a lady a watering hole... but I meant well."

"*wife offers me a sip of her water* m: Am I gonna catch what you have? w: No m: w: m: Are you sur- w: You're not going to get my period!"