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Joke of the Day

"An app to tase restaurant owners who call appetizers ""apps"""

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"I want to make a special present for my dad's birthday. How do I make a St. Patrick's Day mocha? He says Irish coffee is the only thing keeping this family together"
"Why doesn't the Kentucky Fried Chicken use toilet paper? It's finger licking good."
"Why did Obama tap Merkel's phone? To hear a smart politician."
"Freshmen girls... I keep getting older, but they stay the same age. Wooderson, *Dazed and Confused*"
"I've quit my new job as a postman..... .....they handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: ""This isn't for me."""
"Her: Stop stalling and sign the divorce papers. Me: *does ""the divorce papers"" in sign language* THERE I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY"
"This little piggy went to the market This little piggy stayed home This little piggy spread a swine flu virus And killed 250 million people"
"What's the difference between Eric cartman and deez nuts? One is a dick from Southpark, the other parks south of my dick"
"Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: When you slap a mosquito it will stop sucking."