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Joke of the Day

"Why do Jews watch porn backwards? Because they like to climax at the part when the hooker gives the money back."

"Sometimes you just have to go with the flow. ~Menstruational Tweet"

"My father got crushed by a falling piano. His funeral was very low key."

"I want my funeral to be sad and completely serious. Then right when my coffin starts lowering into the ground the song from Tetris plays."

"You don't owe anyone an explanation for who you are."

"How do you tell the difference between a terrorist and a tenured professor? You can negotiate with a terrorist."

"knock knock YOU: who's there ME: I eat mop YOU:______"

"""Help! I can't get my jogging trousers off!"" ""We'll have to perform an emergency trackybottomy"""

"What did one egg say to the other? It's just a Yolk!!"

"In American politics, what's important is that you pick one of two equally bad sides and defend it no matter the awful garbage it produces"