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Joke of the Day

"I want my funeral to be sad and completely serious. Then right when my coffin starts lowering into the ground the song from Tetris plays."

Next Joke
 
"Apple watch, loudly: ""It is time for you to poop"" Me: ""A-as I was saying, our investors h-"" Watch, louder: ""It is your optimal poop time"""
"I like my coffee like I like my women From a third world country and covered in cream"
"Gross I like my pussy like I like my steak... Pink and bloody. I'm so sorry. My friends are twisted."
"Boobs without nipples They're pointless."
"A drunk driver gets pulled over by a cop The cop asks him ""how high are you?"" The drunk driver then says ""isn't it supposed to be hi, how are you?"""
"Never trust anybody who has graph paper. They're always plotting something."
"What is the hardest part of eating vegetables? Their wheelchairs"
"Saw a friend really drunk last night so I took his car keys from him. Felt good, he was so drunk I doubt he remembers who stole his car"
"What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open Toad sandals... I'll show myself out - thank you"