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Joke of the Day

"A weather forecaster took a job in another part of the country. When asked why he transferred he replied ""The weather didn't agree with me."""

"When a black guy pulls a knife on me on the subway I remind him he doesn't have to feed into racial stereotypes. Then I usually get stabbed."

"It's so cold this morning I had to seperate my dogs poop into two seperate bags and use them as hand warmers."

"What is Newton's fifth law of motion? If you run around a tree at the speed of light you can literally fuck yourself."

"2 pedophiles are chilling on the beach, one says to the other... Hey can you get out of my son"

"My negotiating strategy is to make a skeptical face for one second then pay what the other person asked."

"My inflatable girlfriend always looks surprised when I walk into the room."

"What is it called when you sleep talk about your subconscious feelings ? A Freudian Sleep."

"It's become so annoying at weddings, when elderly relatives start playing the game of ""I wonder who'll be next""... ...so I've started doing the same to them at funerals."

"Let me get this straight Hulu Plus. I pay you $ to watch shows & then you fill those shows with commercials. This sounds familiar."