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Joke of the Day

"What is Newton's fifth law of motion? If you run around a tree at the speed of light you can literally fuck yourself."

"What do you call a Pumpkin who eats too much? A Plumpkin."

"TIL you can get dishonorably discharged from the Navy for boarding the wrong vessel just once Whoops wrong sub"

"What do you call a guy who fucks himself? [Ethan Hawke](http://i.imgur.com/tXrW7HU.jpg)."

"Why did Laketown pass new emissions regulations? They had a major Smaug problem."

"Why was Cinderella thrown off the basketball team? She ran away from the ball."

"What did the Marine Biologist say when he saw two eels making love? ""It's a Moray."""

"Keep your coworkers on their feet by beginning your next e-mail with ""If you're reading this, I'm already dead."""

"Shooting guns is a stupid hobby. Its much easier and more cost efficient to shoot targets!"

"Did you hear about the fly on the toilet? He got pissed off."