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Joke of the Day

"Let me get this straight Hulu Plus. I pay you $ to watch shows & then you fill those shows with commercials. This sounds familiar."

"I knew I was old when I opened internet explorer."

"My dad always told me to follow in his footsteps... ... he died in quicksand"

"A recent study shows that Twitter users don't give a fuck in excess of 30 times a day."

"What does the 'B' in Benoit B Mandelbrot stand for? Benoit B Mandelbrot"

"People you mute should stay in your TL but with a piece of tape over their avatar mouth and their tweets all like ""Mmmp mm mmmph rf mph."""

"Asked an artist how he draws women so well. He says ""I have a day job."""

"What's the best part about getting head from an infant? Watching the soft spot move."

"Joke I told my one-eyed coworker today: Me: What do you call a terrorist who's missing an eye? Him: I give up Me: A terrorst"

"the worst part about being vegan is having to get up early to milk the almonds"