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Joke of the Day

"It's become so annoying at weddings, when elderly relatives start playing the game of ""I wonder who'll be next""... ...so I've started doing the same to them at funerals."

"Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises."

"Q: What do you get when you put a bomb and a dinosaur together? A: Dino-mite."

"Two translators are on a sinking ship... The first says: ""Do you know how to swim?"" The second says: ""No but I can shout for help in 19 different languages"""

"Most girls on Facebook have more problems than a math text book.."

"There there password. I don't think you're weak."

"What did one volcano call the other volcano? An Ash-hole."

"How do you circumcise a whale? Send down four skin-divers."

"Wow. Girl 1) Isn't that illegal? Girl 2) Yeah, so is prostitution but I didn't stop your mom. Girl 1) You don't know my mom. Girl 2) Neither did your dad."

"I always yell ""Cut!"" after I drop the soap in the shower because there's usually some Peeping Tom filming me & I want that part edited out."