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Joke of the Day

"My negotiating strategy is to make a skeptical face for one second then pay what the other person asked."

"Why did the gay scarecrows get divorced after their surrogate mother aborted their IVF baby on obamacare? The whole thing was one big straw man argument."

"Boy, pet stores don't like it when you ask, ""What is the most delicious animal you sell here?"""

"My boss bought a breathalyzer for our office because everyone comes back from lunch drunk. My personal best is .16"

"In a car it's illegal to not wear a seatbelt. But I guess if you're on a bus they figure death will be a sweet relief."

"DON'T shoot for the moon if you miss, you will land among the stars alone and asphyxiating"

"I like my women like I like my Scotch. Noice."

"So I studied abroad in college... She never called me back though."

"What do you call someone who likes to rap about salt? NaCl-more."

"I don't like coconut so I don't eat coconut. I don't follow coconut around criticizing its texture or taste or tweets or sense of humor."