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Joke of the Day

"Proposed to my Chinese girlfriend today I proposed to my Chinese girlfriend today and she cried tears of soy."

"TIFU by feeding my mogwai after midnight Whoops, wrong sub. By the way, if you see one, just throw it in the microwave for like 45 seconds."

"Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? because the 'p' is silent."

"Just saw someone order a cup of water at this restaurant. Knocked it out of his hand. We're in a drought, idiot."

"What kind of bees scare neckbeards? Boo-bees."

"Why don't Jews eat pussy? Because its too close to the gas chamber!"

"Never ever marry a tennis player Love means nothing to them"

"I became a vegan yesterday... ...but I tell you, it was a missed-steak."

"Monica Lewinsky just turned 43 It seems like only yesterday she was crawling on the floor of the White House"

"I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper. To be honest I only intended to rough him up a bit."